When being a woman, space is the limit

Disjointed excuses to justify the bashing of women

What do a rocket scientist, a civil rights activist, a journalist, a film-maker, a musician, and a helicopter pilot have in common? They are all women. They have dedicated their careers, in one way or another, to influencing and inspiring future generations. And, on April 14, they also successfully completed Blue Origin’s New Shepard 31st mission to space as an all-female crew.

The 11-minute space flight was followed by several days of incessant criticism of the mission, the crew and, naturally, the patriarchy. All the preparation, dedication and outcomes of this endeavor were reduced to shreds as the internet picked it apart with frivolity. Headlines and memes affirmed there was no such thing as progress in this mission. Celebrities, ironically, doubled-down saying there are more important things to focus on in the world and that some stars are not meant to be in space. As if they would give up their modeling or acting dollars because the arts and advertising don’t feed children. Virtue signalers followed suit, and after almost a week of vitriol, we were left with a bunch of disgusting sameness. A pandering that ultimately reduces and confines women.

The irony is not lost on me that the same people who ripped these women apart for, supposedly, “condoning the patriarchy” and becoming the epitome of hypocrisy, were posting just a month ago, for Women’s Day, about the limitations, injustices and lack of rights that women faced even just a few decades ago. “Before 1974, women weren’t allowed to have a bank account or apply for credit by themselves,” read one meme. “Before 1977, women had no legal protections from sexual harassment at work,” read another. Several viral posts highlighted the audacity women have shown throughout history in reclaiming the space and freedom they inherently deserved.

So, while it doesn’t come as a surprise, it is still a painful disappointment that women were the biggest critics of Blue Origin crew. Even women on LinkedIn wrote self-righteous posts about their disapproving of “a handful of women” that were sent to space on a man’s spaceship. “Historic for who?” the post began (…for “whom”, Abby) and somehow tied it to some corporate lesson. Another woman argued that women’s empowerment “can’t be bought” and, somehow, tied the recent “stunt” to the nomination of Hillary Clinton for the U.S. presidency in 2016. She used words like ‘tokenization’, ‘real progress’ and ‘puppeted’.

What really stung about this LinkedIn article (other than I was reading articles on LI to begin with) was that the writer argued that “women did want to celebrate other women [but only] when those women have truly earned the right to be celebrated.” She’s putting conditions on a group of people whose entire existence has been putting up with conditions imposed on them for their existence. It’s exhausting and manipulative.

She argues that our gender is expected to fall in line to celebrate this “accomplishment,” implying how absurd that expectation is — yet she’s literally asking her readers to fall in line by dismissing the actual accomplishments of these women, claiming they didn’t truly earn their seat on a rocket ship or on the Democratic ticket. She’s just a celebrity. She’s just rich. She’s just someone’s girlfriend or wife. She’s not a scientist. She’s not like us. So, does this mean we can’t ever just celebrate she gets to be whatever the f*ck she wants?

“Had the Blue Origin flight only been female astronauts who earned their right to go to space based on study, skill, hard work, and determination, you would see a completely different response right now from the country.” The LinkedIn writer concluded.

I don’t think so.

I would venture to say we would impose impossible standards and somehow still diminish the female experience by comparing it to whatever flavor of perfectionism is on trend that week. Because the fact is that there were two NASA scientists on board; one who went to community college and continued on her path to become a rocket scientist and entrepreneur. She’s now a STEM advocate, helping millions of children gain essential tech skills. While aboard the ship, she was going to conduct some experiments on plant biology and human physiology. The other one, a bioastronautics scientist, took a break from space exploration and research to advocate for female victims of sexual assault around the world, and literally changed the law. She did not give up on her dream career, so being part of this mission (should have) asserted our gender on never giving up on our dreams, even when faced with trauma and other setbacks.

But what about the celebrities and rich bitches that took up invaluable resources that could’ve been used to help Earth’s problems?

From what I’ve read, they’ve used their money and influence to help others, but even if they didn’t, it’s their prerogative. The world would be a better place if everyone was committed to doing so, but part of that is recognizing that making this a better place can mean a myriad of things. Certainly, a first step is to be able to hold two thoughts in our head at once. We can recognize that space exploration does bring benefits to life on Earth, even if we can’t see them immediately. We can recognize that the women on this mission and on many other spaces are shattering glass ceilings and breaking the molds of what women ought to be. We can recognize that once-in-a-lifetime opportunities should be seized by women whenever they want, not only when it’s prudent and benevolent and subservient and approved by a self-righteous mob. Do we want equality or do we want equality?

Since the beginning of recorded history women have been thought to be too much or not enough. We’ve been conditioned to behave in certain ways — limiting, confined, molded. Our experience in the world is learning to navigate the space we inhabit. For centuries we couldn’t even dare living outside the perimeters of our designated physical and societal spaces. But thanks to courageous women, some of which were affluent and had the means to influence society, we’ve resisted, organized and changed the course of history forever.

So, even if it’s just to overcome a paralyzing fear, to sing to the Earth from space, to conduct experiments, to reconcile countries, or just because we feel like it, women can and should take up space. Here on Earth or beyond the Kármán Line.

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I watched the broadcast of the Blue Origin mission at the gym. I stared at the muted TVs as the women rang the bell before boarding the ship. I watched as they open the door of the capsule and they appeared, triumphant, in front of us, each having accomplished a personal goal. I got emotional seeing the non-celebrity crew members, wondering how it felt to be them at that moment. I laughed at Katy Perry’s performance when she kissed the ground (super cringe). I really felt for Gayle King, who seemed terrified from beginning to end, but was glad to be back safely on Earth. I saw women being imperfectly human and I cheered for them. Later that day and in the subsequent days, I saw nothing but criticism for these women and it made my stomach turn. It reminded me of two things:

1. Something I wrote in my late 20s about the impossible standards of womanhood:

What I find hardest about being a woman today is dealing with the expectation of other women. What we should want. What we should be. What we should say —for our gender. What we should expect —of society, of men, of ourselves. When the only expectation should be to love ourselves so much and be so comfortable in our skin, that we dare to be what we always wanted to be.

2. The famous Barbie movie monologue recited by the character Gloria, beautifully performed by America Ferrera:

It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful.

You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.