It's my birthday and I'll share if I want to

Imparting wisdom and tips without taking myself too seriously.

Dec 22, 2023

The day is finally here. I’m 35! I did it! (Read in Elle Woods’ voice at the end of her speech when she graduates Harvard). I should quote her words verbatim, because indeed, “we did it!” If you’re reading this, you have contributed to my growth as a person, friend, and writer. Even if we’ve never met in person, the fact that you’re here, means you believe in my writing, and that’s the best gift I could ask for on this birthday. I feel nothing but gratitude for the people in my life; the experiences we’ve shared together and the lessons they’ve taught me.

It is not surprising that I am quoting Legally Blonde on my birthday post. I am, after all, a Millennial through and through: I love this movie, I don’t own a home, I have dismissed marriage as a ‘must’ step in life (so far at least), I part my hair on the side most days, I still wear no-show socks, and apparently loving avocadoes is part of my generation’s DNA. But back to Elle for another minute, she also says in her speech that “passion is a key ingredient to the study and practice of law, and of life. It is with passion, courage of conviction, and strong sense of self that we take our next steps into the world […] and most importantly, you must always have faith in yourself.” Sure, I’m not graduating from Harvard (nor would I want to these days), but her words ring true to the way I choose to live my life. I still haven’t mastered the courage of conviction thing, but I hope to keep honing these skills in the years to come.

Today, I am “graduating” from another year of life — don’t worry, I don’t expect a participation trophy. That’s a generationally-confused stereotype, in my opinion. Gen Z is the validation-hungry, attention-seeking, entitled generation… but I promise I don’t have a personal feud with them. Maybe bashing the younger generation is just another sign I am getting old-er.

When I wish others a happy birthday, I sometimes jokingly ask how they feel at being the new age. Most of the time their response is, “I feel the same.” That has been my answer, too, in previous years and, I don’t know if the fact that I’ve been writing my thoughts on here and in my journal more consistently for the past year have made me feel more attune with myself, but I don’t feel the same on this birthday. I do feel older; like when kids in their twenties can immediately tell I’m not part of their clan, despite everyone older than me always telling me I look like I’m in my early twenties. Maybe it’s the fact that I call them kids. The fact I don’t get carded as often when I buy alcohol is a crude reminder. Yet, I also feel happier and more comfortable in my 35-year-old skin.

At 35, I feel excited about what’s to come. This wasn’t always the case; in my twenties I could never see my life past 29. I guess I haven’t really changed in that regard; I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about what my life will be like at 40, but as opposed to my outlook at 25 (or lack thereof), I feel much more optimistic and open-minded about what the next years will bring. One of my biggest challenges is accepting change. Uncertainty and volatility can be really frightening to me, but I feel more confident these days that I’ll be able to take on whatever life throws at me. Like Elle Woods, I will trust my intuition.

I still have many more things to live and learn, but there have been a few lessons along the way that I’d like to share with you, today. I’d also love to read from you. Do you have any introspective birthday stories? What have you learned in your journey? Please comment below, and without further ado, here are…

35 lessons from 35 years of living:

Everything passes, the good and the bad. Try to spend as much time in the present and cherish it, instead of longing for the past or worrying about the future.
Speak to yourself kindly, everyday.
Move as often as you can: exercise and wellness are the key to a healthy life, both physically and mentally.
Build a support system in your life. Whether it’s friends, family, colleagues, mentors, partner, make sure you have people in your life that care for you, cheer for you and whom you can trust.
If you like doing something, do it often. Have the discipline, self respect and love for yourself to make time for doing the things that bring you joy.
You are not just what happened to you. Everyday we all get a new chance to grow, change, learn, and flow into something more.
Travel will open your eyes, mind, and heart.
Money is important, but it is not the only important thing for a good life. Don’t be fooled into thinking money is bad for you or evil. Don’t reject financial abundance because money will open doors… to lifestyle, passions and activities, yes, but also to healthcare and wellness. Balance is key.
Building an intimate relationship with someone whom you can trust and love and with whom you feel safe is one of the best experiences in the world. How beautiful it is to love and be loved.
You will make mistakes often, don’t beat yourself up about it.
There is a moral and worthwhile life outside religion.
Not all women are born to be mothers.
It’s OK to not want a fast-paced career. It’s OK to not want to deal with politics and the rat race. It’s OK to not want the promotion that will bring your life out of balance.
Making time and space for creativity in your life will make you feel lighter, happier, younger, and more alive.
Always be proactive (instead of reactive) with your health and healthcare.
Forgiveness can bring the same symptoms as creativity, but know that you can take your time in forgiving someone. Make sure, though, that you forgive yourself first and always.
Having meaningful and available friendships may be one of the hardest things to accomplish in adulthood. Be understanding of your friends’ time, lives, and challenges, but don’t settle for friendships that are physically and emotionally distant. Friendships should be reciprocal, where all parties are mutually interested and invested in being in each others’ lives.
Make the time and effort to learn something new. (“What, like it’s hard?”)
It can be hard, but you can do anything that you truly commit to and stick with.
You can be an open book and still be selective about who reads your pages.
Make time for play.
Resting and stretching are just as important as training hard.
Your parents did not always know how to parent (see #10) but they’ve always loved you.
Practicing gratitude as a form of mindfulness and way of life can restore and ground you.
You can love passionately more than once in your life if you allow yourself to. But it’s true what they say, you must love yourself first in order to love someone else.
Don’t get lost scrolling on your phone while in train station in Belgium, chances are you’ll have yours or your partner’s luggage stolen from you.
Limit your time on social media and use it responsibly. Like alcohol, drugs, and other vices, social media can alter your state and cause harm if used in excess.
Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize!
Wear sunscreen every day. No matter your age, your gender, your skin color.
If you feel insecure, unsafe, in pain, or like you’re in competition with your partner, you’re better off walking away (for good).
Cherish your alone time. Spending time with yourself will bring you clarity, independence, mindfulness, rest, autonomy, and confidence, which will make your time with others so much better.
By the time you start liking all foods, your gut will start rejecting some foods. The irony of life.
Stop pointing out your insecurities and defects to your partner. Think about it, do you like hearing them talk about theirs?
Receiving material gifts is not as exciting as it used to be when you were little. The gift of time and attention is priceless. p.s.: I still like material gifts, lol.
You still have so much more to learn.