If you're feeling stuck, read this letter

You are not alone

Virginia Woolf once wrote, “a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” I would argue this is the case, if she is to write anything, or create anything, at all. It’s Sunday and I’ve locked myself in my bedroom while my boyfriend is keeping himself occupied in another room of the house. I stare at my keyboard and think: what is stopping me?

Almost a hundred years after Woolf wrote her extended essay, A Room of One’s Own, women have become prolific writers in a myriad of literary genres. We’re not just writing more, some women have become wealthy, successful, influential, and awarded authors. In the last century, women have accomplished feats that were once unimaginable. We are more financially independent than ever. We are educated and employed. We are at liberty to create anything we can imagine —a business, a life, music, a story, a film.

So, what makes the act of creating so challenging? I don’t mean to be dismissive of Woolf and her argument. After all, at the time she wrote it, women indeed faced social and material limitations. But in our time, whether we’re women or men, if we have money and a room of our own, it may be easier to write and create—but it’s no guarantee. In the last one hundred years, our society has become an overwhelming space to inhabit. It is ever more demanding, ever more complicated, and ever more confusing. Our attention is always on, always split, always being fed more and more and more.

I can lock myself in a room with the intention of writing, but my phone will light up with a distracting notification that my mind has been conditioned to not ignore. I can get caught in a writer’s block because there’s the pressure to create weekly, or because someone is creating better than me. It’s not just me and my silly little dream of becoming a writer. Anyone that’s felt like they needed to recalibrate and come up with the next step in their lives may find themselves caught up in the grind. Their attention is ‘focused’ on their kids, pets, jobs, the state of the world, bills, family members, politics, health, war, the economy, the next vacation, the next trend, the next crisis, the next deadline. It doesn’t stop.

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and she mentioned she was feeling drained from work. Her job is not fulfilling anymore; she’s caught in a loop of endless virtual calls with circular conversations that seem to go nowhere. She’s in a creative field, but she doesn’t feel she’s allowed to use her creativity at all. “I’m tired. I want to do something of my own, but I don’t know what.”

I suggested she lock herself in her room and give it some thought.

A single mindfulness session, where we can reflect in the privacy of our own room, might not cure the burnout and solve all our problems, but it is a good first step. I did this exercise a few years ago and wrote myself a letter in the process. It may resonate with — and even help— you get unstuck.

Dear me,

I’ve noticed you’ve been feeling lost and disappointed. You think you’ve let your younger self down; the hopes and dreams that you once had have not materialized —yet. I know this can make you feel sad, angry and lost. You’ve chosen stability over risk and money over purpose. You’ve put up with things you don’t like over exploring the things you love for fear of failing or not being good enough. I get it — and you’re not alone. But the truth is that success is not linear and it’s definitely not immediate.

You chose the status quo when you were tired or scared. When other kids were dreaming of what they’d become, you were busy surviving. When other twenty-somethings were creating their dream careers, you were busy healing. But timelines aren’t the same for everyone, so while they were busy dreaming and creating, you were getting stronger. It’s now your time to dream and create.

I know you want to take life on your own terms, see the light at the end of the tunnel and make yourself proud. What you may not realize is that you’ve been doing just that. It took grit to survive, overcome and heal. It took courage to choose yourself. It took wisdom to identify, discern and let go of the people and situations that no longer served you. It took time to learn to care for and love yourself, but look at how far you’ve come!

The journey takes time, but you’ve made the determination to chase your dreams again and that’s what matters. I believe you will not just live to chase them, but you’ll get to achieve them, savor them, cherish them.

If you ever find yourself stuck here again, remember to come back to me. I will tell you to close your eyes, take a deep breath and think of all the things that make you smile. I will remind you, my dear, you are a warrior, a benevolent soul, a passionate human, a creative spirit. Tune out the distractions, take time to rest, and go create.